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Poems & Jokes

Here you will find various Poems and Jokes about dog agility. We hope they don’t cause offense, they are just for amusement!

If any of you folks have some poems or jokes you would like to add please either email or give them to Cathy at training.

  • WHO ME?

    There was a young lass from the Wight
    Whose handling was positively shite
    She was running a Collie 
    And felt such a wally
    Maybe next time she’ll handle it right!!!

    By Cathy


    Well the dogs they came from near and far
    To tests their skills, don’t knock a bar
    It was the steeplechase we were to test
    It seems the dogs were at their best

    We had clear rounds and great results
    We clapped and cheered and threw insults
    Tomorrow is another day 
    With agility we will play

    So bring your toys and a tasty treat
    New dogs and handlers you will meet
    Have a go you’ll have such fun
    You’ll hear me shout “You have to RUN”

    So off to bed I will now go
    And dream of running (not too slow)
    The course is easy – you won’t get stuck
    I wish you all the best of luck!!

    By Cathy


    I warned him I’d do it, the first chance I got
    But he took his eye off me, I think he forgot

    Revenge is a dish best served cold, so they say
    I said that I’d do it, and today was the day

    I know that he wants me, clean smelling and fluffy
    But I like being a real dog, stinking and scruffy

    He took me to training, and with Cathy he talked
    I spotted my chance, round the A frame I walked

    A drop of the shoulder, a roll in the grass
    And now I smell ’andsome, like a dog fox’s arse

    Dictated by Mop, transcribed by Mark


    Today, in the bath they forced me to sit
    They thought it was funny, oh, what stunning wit

    They said I was smelly, not fit for their beds
    I thought I smelled lovely, it’s all in their heads

    I now smell of shampoo, conditioner and such
    When it comes to my hygiene, they worry too much

    But I’ll get my revenge, I’ll get my own back
    The next time we go out, their walk I’ll hijack

    It didn’t take much thought, I have to admit
    But the first chance I get, I’m rolling in shit!

    Dictated by Mop, transcribed by Mark

  • In a recent study a Wight Wizard dog was asked which dog food it preferred.
    After paws-sing for sometime it replied ‘I don’t know, you chews!!!’

    At training one evening a dog looked positively embarrassed when faced with the A-frame.
    When questioned later the dog said it hadn’t seen the A-frame for some time but tried to make contact!!!

    After Tinker returned from Spec Savers it was confirmed that indeed she did have tunnel vision!!


    A male Wight Wizard?

    A well bred, friendly Wight Wizard?
    Pedigree Chum

    An adored Wight Wizard?
    Well beloved

    A friendly Wight Wizard?

    A rubbish Wight Wizard?

    A horny Wight Wizard?

    A successful Wight Wizard?

    A Wight Wizard tale?

    What do you give a naughty Wight Wizard?

    By Oliver

  • A young Collie wizard called Abbs

    Thought everyone’s limbs were for grabs

    But with time, not to mention

    Cath’s love and attention

    She ended up being just fabs!!

    By Maggie

  • There was a young wizard called Ollie

    Who desperately wanted a Collie

    He thought she’d be faster

    But what a disaster

    He ended up looking a Wally!!

    By Maggie

  • Well the dogs they held a meeting and they came from near and far,
    Some they came by aeroplane and some by motor car.
    Outside the village hall they all did stop and look,
    And each one took his ar*ehole off, and hung it on a hook.

    In they went, all in a pack, every mother, son and sire,
    Hardly were they seated when some bugger shouted, “Fire”
    Out they came all in a rush, they had no time to look,
    And each one grabbed an ar*ehole off of anybody’s hook.

    They got their ar*eholes all mixed up, which made them very sore,
    To think they hadn’t got the one that they had had before.
    And that’s the reason why a dog will always leave a bone,
    To go and smell another dogs’ ar*e, to see if it’s his own!!!!


  • Agility

    Up and over, round and through

    Agility is good for you

    Teach your dog to jump and weave

    The tunnels too, can be acheived

    The front cross, rear cross, wait and go

    Are handling methods you will know

    It’s with Wight Wizards you can train,

    To get you fit and use your brain

    So come along and have a try

    Your dog will love it, don’t be shy

    The A-frame, Dog walk, see-saw too

    Are contacts that you’ll need to do

    It’s Cathy that you need to ring

    So she can try and fit you in

    She needs to check she has the room

    So call us now we’ll see you soon!!

    By Cathy Humphries